WHEN INSULTS HAD CLASS…
by assorted wits

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4 letter words and waving the middle finger!

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The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

Lady Astor: If you were my husband, I'd give you poison.

Churchill: If you were my wife, I'd drink it.

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A Member of Parliament to Benjamin Disraeli, (1804-81) known as a dandy, a novelist, a brilliant debator and England's first and only Jewish prime minister:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or
your mistress."

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Winston Churchill of a rival:

'"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

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William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway):

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."

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Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner):

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

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Moses Hadas (author):

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

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Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) - Irish playwright, novelist, poet and author of short stories. Known for his barbed wit, he was one of the most successful playwrights of late Victorian England:

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

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George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."

Winston Churchill, in response:
" Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

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Stephen Bishop (American singer and guitarist, b. 1951):

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

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John Bright (1811-1889), Quaker, British Radical and Liberal Statesman:

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

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Paul Keating (24th Prime Minister of Australia, b. 1944; took political insults to a new stratosphere during his terms as prime minster):

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

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Jack E. Leonard (1910 - 1973) American comedian:

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

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Robert Redford (born 1936); actor, director, producer:

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."

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Forrest Tucker (1919 - 1986) American actor:

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

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Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) American humorist, satirist, lecturer and writer:

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

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Mae West (1893 - 1980) American actress famous for her bawdy double entres and risque wit:

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

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Billy Wilder (1906-2002) Austrian-born, Jewish-American journalist, screenwriter and Academy Award-winning film director and producer:

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

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Groucho Marx: (1890 - 1977) the mustachioed brother of the iconic Marx Brothers:

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it."

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