"Raising Gifted Kids: Everything You Need to Know to help Your Exceptional Child Thrive" A book review by Genevieve Loke Another one of those books? As if the hot-house environment of Singapore needed more? But Genevieve Loke found this book a little different…

I chanced upon this book in the National Library and its title caught my attention right away. Not that my child has been assessed to be gifted or anything like that. He is only two and a half years' old. But he is smart - has immense amount of energy and curiosity, quick to learn new things and retains information for a long time. I believe many parents out there have smart kids. So, I thought I would read this book to see how I can help my smart kid get smarter!! (Does this not sound familiar, all you 'kiasu' parents out there?)

The author, Dr Barbara Klein, developed her ideas, opinions and feelings about gifted children from her own personal and professional experiences. She raised two very highly gifted children in the 1970s and 1980s and while doing that, she earned a master's and doctorate in early childhood education and a second doctorate in clinical psychology. Well, no price for guessing where her smart kids got the smart genes!

It seems there is no clear definition what giftedness is because of the great variability among gifted children. There are a number of tests that attempt to put a score to a child's intelligence. However, the characteristics of gifted children are not limited to an IQ of more than 132 but also include those with musical or artistic talents way beyond their chronological age.

Dr Klein summarizes the characteristic behaviors she sees as defining giftedness: "In brief, gifted children are critical thinkers; creative, rapid learners; curious; capable of being highly communicative; extremely perceptive; able to retain information easily and committed to a task, which they pursue resourcefully and in detail. Gifted children are also highly sensitive. In situations where they feel out of place or misunderstood, gifted children can act in highly anxious or in other emotional ways. Very smart children may have socialization problems and feel awkward because of their intellectual superiority in comparison to their peer group." One with a vivid imagination may think that smart children are like the electrocuted cartoon characters with their hairs standing on end. Actually, these smart kids look very normal and behave quite like other children.

One would imagine the rest of the book is dedicated to teaching parents methods on how to 'elevate' their kids to the pinnacle of their abilities. On the contrary, Dr Klein emphasizes the importance of being a 'Good Enough' parent to one's child. This section really impressed me as it unfolds a holistic way of caring for the smart child. She says, "Do not try to be the perfect parent to your gifted child"; "Good enough is really enough. These energy draining children are hard to raise as it is. Making mistakes is normal." How wise this is! How often we parents (especially mothers I think) bring ourselves through guilt trips just because we wish we could do a better job!

She listed a number of examples of how to have "Good Enough" reactions to gifted children with their peculiar personality and behavioral characteristics. One example is as follows:

• Smart kids have an early and enduring passion for communication. These children can carry on adult-level conversations. Undermining reactions from parents may include "Wow! I think we have a little genius here. Let's parade him around and show him off to all of the neighbors and relatives. Let's get him an audience." Or "this is just so 'cute' that our baby is speaking so beautifully". The first reaction undermines the child's sense of self because it makes the child's performance more important than the child's feelings and thoughts. The second one just diminishes the verbal strengths of the child. A good reaction may be "it is so exciting and wonderful to have a child who can talk to me and wants to communicate." This promotes self-esteem and bonding between parents and child

Dr Klein repeatedly talks about how perfectionism is an emotional issue that all gifted children must deal with as they develop a sense of themselves. She warns parents of the 'dangers' of being perfect in their parenting. "If you have to do everything 'right' for your child to feel complete inside yourself, your child will surely suffer. Perfectionism as a style of child-rearing stifles children and makes them angry, anxious and even defiant."

As I read on, I thought the advice she gave is applicable to all parents whether their children are gifted or not. In our enthusiasm, do we try to raise big heads with overloaded brains and caring for their bodies as if these were machines of locomotion to carry their brains around? Surely, the overall development and happiness of our little darlings are more important!

Some of the other interesting chapters include "Developing your child's potential", "Learning to talk to your 'Know-it-all' child" and "Finding the right school for your gifted child". I hope I have whetted your appetite enough to want to check this book out. I feel that this book presents a very balanced approach to bringing up children and through her many examples, Dr Klein offers much food for thought.

Genevieve is an anaesthetist and mother of one.