Double, double, toil …and chortles
- reflections of a home maker
by Anthonia Neo

Homemaking is definitely a 24/7 job, with no pay, no annual leave - not to talk about appreciation and compensation but…I wouldn't change it for the world!

It is 9pm though. And as I sit on my sofa, exhausted after the day's work of managing my home and children, I do sometimes wonder why. Why did I give up my profession to be a full time stay-at-home mum?

Don't get me wrong. I love my job! I love homemaking. I love being there for my children. But… the toil of housework and training the will of children is arduous, strenuous work which requires a lot of motivation and whatever steel will one can find. At the end of a very long day when fatigue sets in, one sometimes is naturally tempted to reflect on the meaning and worth of all that repetitive and seemingly endless activity.

It is times like these when it is good to go back to basics and my thoughts led me to reflect on the homemaking programme that I run for fellow homemakers. The foundation of homemaking in this programme is based on 3 guiding principles. These principles are universal, and as it helps me to get on my feet time and again, I would like to share it with stay-at-home mums out there...

1) Think positive

Having a positive attitude is one of the most essential principles in getting ahead in any endeavor. This is no less true in managing a home. Nothing can hold us back or slow us down more than a negative attitude. Being overwhelmed and thinking there is nothing that can be done is like having our feet in quick sand. As human beings we can take control and change our mindset.

Have you ever experienced those days when things go wrong for the weirdest reasons and we react badly to it - bad humour, short temper, sarcastic remarks? And before long, lo and behold, we see the rest of the household picking up our cue and behaving likewise? Or what about those days when you are perhaps more aware of yourself and are more stable in conducting yourself? Do you not see the family atmosphere as more serene and positive?

Recently, I saw a sign which read: "I had my home cleaned last week; sorry you missed it." Even though most of us would like a clean, orderly home because it brings pleasure and peace of mind, we must remember that most homemakers have never had their home in perfect order. Let us give thanks for what we have achieved today, and not keep looking at what we have not done, to the extent of being negative of the good things that were accomplished.

A sense of humour is also vital for this job. We have to learn not to take ourselves too seriously. Learn to laugh at ourselves. So many things can go wrong in a household on a daily basis - right from burnt dinner to kids missing their school bus…Without a sense of humour, we'll be walking around like a time bomb, ready to explode at any second!

2) Enjoy your job!

A modern homemaker needs a lot of courage to face the ordinary tasks of managing a home. Let's make homemaking an exciting adventure, rather than drudgery and a thankless job that we are stuck with. Let's learn to find satisfaction in a job done to the best of our ability and energy.

To do a good job and enjoy it, it is essential we first take care of ourselves. You know when you're flying, and the flight attendant tells you to put your oxygen mask on before you put your child's on? Well, this applies to life as well. If we don't take the time out to care for ourselves, we will run out of energy before we can care for our families. We need a break as well - be it reading a book, shopping, a girls' night out…

Taking care of our appearance is important. In a recent Weekend issue of Today newspaper, one of the negative feelings of a stay-at-home mum is that she feels there is no need to dress up.

I believe a woman should be as comfortable as possible while cleaning house. It makes the job a whole lot easier. But that aside, I would strongly encourage all fellow homemakers that to be happy with what we are doing, we first have to look good and feel good about ourselves. Whether you're taking the kids to a ball game or the doctor, or you're out shopping, do dress up! You don't have to put on the gloves and a hat, but at least put on your best pair of jeans, a nice shirt and do your hair and make-up. You'll feel better. But most of all, you'll feel like your job is important, because you'll be acting like it is.

3) Do it for love

One of the secrets of success is to enjoy doing whatever we do - not only for stimulation for ourselves, but also for the satisfaction of giving ourselves to others in love.

Most women these days are homemakers by choice. We do not lack academic qualifications or employment opportunities. We choose to be at home for our families. If this is the case, let's do a good job, since we are doing it for love. Let's do it cheerfully. You do have the right to choose to be a homemaker. But if you do, do it with pride, with purpose, with passion! And you'll do your husband, your children, and yourself a wonderful service. You'll be doing the greatest, most rewarding, most satisfying job on earth.

These are some of the ideas that I have gathered from various reading materials. Bringing to mind these positive and encouraging thoughts has definitely been uplifting for me, keeping me focused on my motives and goals. I hope it benefits you too.

I leave with you a quote from writer C S Lewis:

"The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only-and that is to support this ultimate career."

Let's begin again! As we stew and brew this (hopefully!) life giving broth that is our family, sure…there is a lot of toil involved, but also love, joy…and yes, those chortles!

Anthonia is a homemaker with 4 young children and no house help! Her mission is to build a bright and cheerful home, which she seems to be achieving with generally more success than hiccups.

If you are interested to learn more about the homemaking programme she runs, you can contact her at 8157 8091 or drop an email at info@familyes.org.sg and we promise to forward it on to her!